


Bending with the Autumn Wind

by MyGoldenChances



Series: Things We Lost in the Fire-verse [3]
Category: Waitress - Bareilles/Nelson
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 04:56:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16340201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyGoldenChances/pseuds/MyGoldenChances
Summary: New seasons bring changes. Fall is where everything begins to die so it can prepare to grow new again. Set one year after Things We Lost in the Fire, Jenna, Jim, and Lulu navigate life as a family together.One-shot. LOTS of fluff.





	Bending with the Autumn Wind

**Author's Note:**

> I have no good reason for this except it's fall, the weather and my wardrobe are thriving, and I wanted to write the warm fuzzies. I know I'm supposed to be finishing Things We Lost in the Fire - which you should DEFINITELY read first if you haven't - but this came to me. It's entirely for fun, so expect nothing as far as serious plot.
> 
> I'm a slut for sickeningly fluffy fanfic, and all of mine seem to have A Theme. So, if this is predictable, I'm very sorry. You were warned.

“So...what do you think?”

Jenna, who had spent the last ten minutes in her own head, chewing on her thumb nail while trying to still her shaking leg, looked up at the curly-haired redhead emerging from the master bathroom. She crossed her legs and leaned forward, observing her daughter.

Lulu was donning a grey pencil skirt, white blouse, knee-high black socks, black Mary Janes, a burgundy and gold striped tie, a matching burgundy and gold headband, and a black robe. She held a silver-painted wooden wand in one hand while she held up one side of her robe with the other, spinning around.

“You look amazing, my girl,” she assured the 11-year-old with a smile. Then, voicing a curious thought, asked, “Why Ginny, though? I thought you’d pick Hermione.”

Lulu shrugged. “She’s the only Harry Potter character who looks like me,” she insisted. “Plus, she’s really cool and bada--” The girl paused, her eyes growing wide as she caught herself in the middle of the word she hadn’t finished. Jenna lifted a brow but let her continue. She rambled off, “Anyway, she’s really cool.”

The older woman smirked. Ever since she’d let Lulu start reading the beloved series as a birthday present (she’d been begging for a couple of years, but Jenna hadn’t the money to invest in the books, knew the later ones were rough, and wanted to get a book ahead), that was all she seemed to hear about. Lulu was already in the early chapters of  _ Goblet of Fire _ and had caught glimpses of some of the later movies. 

Ignoring a churning that had been stirring in her stomach since earlier in the day, Jenna placed her hands on her daughter’s shoulders and told her, “I think she’s a perfect character for you. Did I do okay with the costume, though? I know it’s not got all the Hogwarts stuff on it…”

“I love it,” Lulu grinned, hugging her. “Thank you.”

Jenna gave her shoulders an affectionate squeeze before releasing her. “You’re very welcome. I’m glad you’re happy.”

The girl nodded. “We’re still making those pumpkin pastie and cauldron cake recipes for my party, too, right?”

“Of course,” Jenna assured. 

Lulu crossed her arms and, with a smug smile, declared, “Danielle Sanger and her friends are going to be so jealous.”

With a pointed look, Jenna warned her, “Hey, now, remember what I told you about her.”

Lulu huffed and rolled her eyes. “I know. It’s not a competition.”

“It’s not,” Jenna emphasized, standing up and walking past her to the dresser where she kept her jewelry box. “I thought you two would grow out of this by sixth grade, but I’m getting tired of hearing about it.” She lifted the lid of the box and reached for two fake diamond stud earrings, fastening them as she continued, “You’re going to be in school together for the better part of the next seven years, and it’s time you learned how to let each other be or try to get along.”

“Awww but why?” Lulu whined, following behind her. “She’s awful. Everyone says how stuck up she is. She’s always texting on her stupid phone.”

Jenna sighed, ignored the part where an 11-year-old had a cell phone, and went straight to the point. “Well, sweetheart, sometimes when nothing else works, you have to resolve to be the bigger person. And it’s good practice in understanding that there’s room for everyone.”

Lulu scrunched her nose. “Why do I have to practice that?”

Jenna paused at that, biting her lip and suddenly feeling a tad jittery. She swallowed and turned to face the redhead. “It’s just good to know that, no matter what or  _ who _ might seem like an obstacle, you don’t have to feel threatened.” Then she placed a hand on her daughter’s cheek and added, “Because you’re beautiful, smart, creative, and special, and nothing can take that away.”

The girl furrowed her eyebrows and leaned back a little, scrutinizing her mother. “Umm...okay?”

“Trust me on this,” Jenna concluded. “It may not make sense now, but you’ll understand.”

“Okay…” Lulu repeated slowly, still staring at her strangely.

Jenna shook her head and dismissed. “Just know I love you, and Danielle can’t hurt you.”

Lulu’s expression softened. “She can’t?”

Jenna shook her head. “No, she can’t.” She tucked a strand of Lulu’s hair behind her ear, then added, “Besides, if she tries to pull the stuff she did last year, her mother knows exactly what I’ll do.”

“Mom!”

“I said to be the bigger person,” the older woman clarified, “not sit back and take it if she starts bullying you again. And I’m pretty sure Mrs. Sanger doesn’t want another parent-teacher-principal conference.”

Turning back to the mirror above her dresser, she straightened out the crisp white blouse she wore and examined herself. She was about to tell Lulu to change back out of her Halloween costume when the sound of a door opening and closing could be heard from the other room.

“I’m home!” a voice that, even after almost a year, still made Jenna’s heart pound called out. “Sorry I’m late. Grading went longer than expected. Where is everyone?”

“In here!” Jenna called back, checking her black trousers to make sure they were buttoned properly.

“I’m trying on my costume, Jim!” Lulu announced excitedly. “You should see it!”

Footsteps approached the bedroom, a pause as Jim dropped his bag on one of the side tables in the living room. In a few seconds, Jim was peeking his head into the doorway, a smile lighting up on his face as he saw them. Jenna grinned back and Lulu bounced on the balls of her feet.

“Have I missed the whole party?” he asked.

Lulu laughed and shook her head. “No, look!” then she twirled. “Do I look like Ginny Weasley or what?”

Jim, crossing his arms and nodding approvingly, noted, “Just like her. A true Gryffindor.”

Lulu beamed and gave a little bow. “Why, thank you. Mom did all the work though.”

Jenna placed her hands on her daughter’s shoulders. “I helped you find the right clothes,” she corrected humbly. Then she looked up at Jim. “Not bad for only a few weeks before Halloween, though, huh?”

“It looks fantastic,” Jim assured before leaning in the press a quick peck to Jenna’s lips.

Lulu stuck her tongue out in disgust and muttered an  _ ewwww gross _ . Jenna shook her head.

“Just wait another five or six years, kid,” she tutted, placing a hand lightly on her back. “Now go change and hang all this up, please. I have to leave for work soon.”

Reluctantly, Lulu muttered an “okay” and scurried back to the master bath. Once the door was closed behind her, the two adults faced one another, pulling each other in for a proper liplock. Jim held her close, and she clung to him, tasting and savoring.

“Hi,” Jenna uttered breathlessly as they separated from the kiss, still holding one another.

Jim’s eyes sparkled as he looked down at her and responded, “Hi.”

“How was work?” Jenna asked, helping him loosen the tie around his neck.

He shrugged. “It was pretty good,” was his nonchalant answer. “The freshmen didn’t destroy the lab. My seniors all passed their Anatomy & Physiology midterm.”

Jenna smiled proudly at him. “That’s because they have a wonderful teacher.”

“I try,” Jim smiled sheepishly as he pulled the loose tie off and reached to set it on the dresser. He changed the subject then and asked, “So, you have to work tonight?”

Jenna nodded, an apologetic grimace on her face as she reached for her jewelry box again and began rummaging. “Joe called me at the last minute.”

“I thought Becky was on management duty this weekend,” Jim stated matter-of-factly, sitting on the edge of the bed and slipping his shoes off. 

Jenna finally found the necklace she wanted in the box and began to slip it on. With a sigh, she explained, “She was, but she called in sick this morning. So, I’m stepping in for the Henson rehearsal dinner.” After a moment, she felt her stomach churn again, and she placed a hand on her belly, “Although, I’m not so sure I’m not catching what she’s got.”

Jim stood up and walked over to her, giving her a worried frown. “Are you going to be okay? Do you need to call in too?”

Jenna shook her head and leaned into him as he embraced her. “I can’t. There’s no one else, and I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” Jim asked.

She nodded. “I’ll be fine,” she repeated. Then she looked up at him and, apologetic again, told him, “I’m sorry. I know you were looking forward to a Friday night together. We were supposed to have the whole weekend”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Jim assured, pressing a kiss to her forehead. Then, pulling back to look her in the eye, he said, “Lulu and I know the drill. I’ll make something to eat for us, she and I will hang out and watch a movie, play that card game I taught her that she likes. Then we’ll all start our family weekend together tomorrow.”

Jenna smiled listening to him. He always seemed to know what to say to ease her worries. And since he’d moved in a few months previously, he’d helped things at home move even more smoothly. He took care of Lulu if Jenna needed to go into work or run errands. He cooked certain nights. He did grocery shopping when Jenna could not. He went with them when Lulu had a poetry reading or other presentation at school. On free weekends they all had together, they’d pick somewhere for an outing and go. Sometimes he’d even pick Lulu up after school on a Friday and take her for ice cream or the treat of her choice, just the two of them.

But what struck Jenna was his use of the word  _ family _ . In the time they had been together, in his move to Stanton Grove, even in deciding it was better for him to give up his apartment and join them in the perfectly good house Jenna owned, he hadn’t called them that before.

Neither had Jenna, for that matter.

“What?” he asked softly, breaking Jenna from her reverie. When she stared at him questioningly, he explained, “You were giving me a look.”

“You called us family,” she noted.

Jim nodded. “I did.”

She began to lazily run her hands up and down his arms. “That’s how you see us?”

He nodded again and affirmed, “Absolutely. I love you and Lulu, and...well, I know  _ you _ love me, and I  _ think _ Lulu loves me.”

Jenna smiled. “Well, she hasn’t said it in those words yet, but I have no doubt that she does,” she agreed.

Every day, she got to watch the two of them interact. She saw Lulu’s face light up at Jim’s appearance. She heard the excitement in Lulu’s voice when Jim asked if she wanted to play that card game—which Jenna, for the life of her, could not recall the name of—she loved so much. She’d even found them sitting at the table one night, Lulu reading poetry out loud that she’d written for his critique—something she rarely shared with anyone other than Jenna, unless it was specifically to be read out loud.

Jenna felt full. In her heart, in her soul, she felt full. 

She looked up at Jim, noticed the way his eyes had gone softer and how his lips turned up just slightly. His mouth opened, as if to respond. But before he could say anything, the bathroom door opened.

“Okay, got everything hung up,” Lulu announced. Then she sidled up to Jenna and asked, “What time are you coming home?”

Jenna reached over, an instinctive move to run her fingers through her daughter’s hair. “Late,” she answered. “We’re serving dessert, and I have to stay with the crew until we’re back at the shop and everything’s cleaned up. It’ll probably be after 9:00.”

Lulu’s eyes widened excitedly, and she addressed Jim with her next request. “Can we pick a long movie and make three different kinds of popcorn?! And can you teach me that new card game you said you would?”

Jenna, who decided to be heartened at the fact that the girl was happy to be spending the evening with Jim, exchanged a look with her significant other. He knew she didn’t like Lulu to eat too much junk food and was silently asking permission. The consideration left her powerless to say no. It was a Friday, after all. 

“We can do that,” Jim confirmed. Then, feigning a hurt ego, said, “Although, I’m not sure about the card game. After you kicked my tail last time, I don’t think I can play cards again.”

Lulu crossed her arms and gave him a knowing look. “You’re gonna give up because you got beat by a girl?”

Jenna’s eyes grew wide at that, and she let out a scandalized  _ ohhhhhhhh _ . She watched the two of them, assured there was no real animosity. Jim, playing along, placed his hands on his hips and pretended to posture. Jenna tried not to laugh.

“I’ll have you know,” he began, still putting on the tough act, “that I  _ never _ give up. So, if you’re challenging me, Barker, it’s on.”

Lulu smirked mischievously. “Oh, it’s on,  _ Pomatter _ ,” she teased back.

The pair broke into laughter then, Jenna joining them. She placed her arms around both of them, one on either side. 

“Okay, you two,” she reeled the conversation back in. “I have to go. Please  _ behave _ while I’m gone,” she looked pointedly at her daughter. “Also don’t stay up too late, because we’re still going apple picking tomorrow.”

Lulu nodded, and Jenna placed a kiss to her forehead.

She released them both and turned to Jim. “There’s a lasagna in the fridge,” she told him. “425 for half an hour, and sauté the veggies I seasoned in some olive oil.”

Jim rested a hand on the small of her back a rubbed gently there. “I think I can manage that.”

The trio migrated out of the master bedroom and to the living room on that note. With hugs for both of them, Jenna took off to grab her purse from the hook next to the front door and hurried out calling behind her, “Love you!” 

They both responded in kind, and Jenna was on her way.

She actively ignored her churning stomach to make room for the comfort that came with knowing the two most important people in her life would be waiting for her.

 

* * *

 

“Are you going to marry Jim?”

The question came from out of the blue, pulling Jenna from her apple counting. It was the next afternoon, and Jenna had brought Lulu and Jim to Meadowcrest Orchards, a farm nestled somewhere out in the country between Stanton Grove and Fieldsville. They’d spent over an hour exploring the farm’s activities—corn maze, hay ride, shops with trinkets and candy—and another hour out in the orchard manipulating golden delicious, Jonathan, honeycrisp, and McIntosh apples from trees,

After the apple picking, Jim had left Jenna and Lulu so he could scout out the pumpkin patch for them. Now mother and daughter were sat on bales of hay fashioned into seats, counting the apples they’d picked and planning new pie, cake, and apple butter recipes.

Now Jenna was faced with what was probably one of the biggest questions her daughter had ever asked her...and she had no clue how to respond.

“Well, I…” she struggled to come up with words, “I guess I hadn’t thought much of it.”

That was partially a lie. The idea pinged in the back of her mind often. What she didn’t do was dwell on it.

At least until lately…

“Do you love each other?” Lulu continued.

Jenna set aside the bag of apples she’d finished counting and folded her hands in her lap. “We do,” she said softly. “Very much.”

Lulu shrugged and finished counting her bag. “Then you should get married.”

“It’s a little more complicated than that,” Jenna pointed out. “Getting married means staying with that person. It’s supposed to be a commitment. Even people who are madly in love struggle with that sometimes, and a lot of them don’t stay married.”

“Sounds pretty silly to me,” the girl noted. “If you love someone, it should be easy to stay with them forever.”

Jenna sighed. “You’d think that,” she muttered, reaching over to rub Lulu’s back. Then a thought occurred to her. “Is that something you’d want, though?” she probed. “For me to marry Jim?”

The redhead nodded vigorously. “I love him!” She declared. “He teaches me a lot, and he’s fun. He’s really nice, too, and he gives great hugs like…” the girl looked down, “like a dad.”

At her daughter’s admission, Jenna was caught between heartbroken and joyful. She felt a painful tug at the thought of her daughter growing up for so long knowing little to nothing about a father she never had, even if she did seem not to miss it most days; even if she knew she would grow up just fine without one. But the idea of Lulu seeing Jim as a father, someone she can trust enough to join the family that had been just the two of them for ten years...that was like the final puzzle piece snapping into place.

“Lulu, honey,” Jenna turned more to face her, to look her in the eye, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, “do you...want him to be your dad?”

Another sincere nod from the 11-year-old.

Then, with butterflies in the pit of her stomach and a slight wave of nausea that passed, Jenna continued, “Even if that means we might decide to grow a bigger family together and give you a little brother or sister some day?”

Lulu’s eyes grew wide at that suggestion. “Can you?!” she gasped, bringing her hands to her mouth excitedly. “I’ve wanted one for so long! Please, can you??”

“Okay, whoa,” Jenna pat the girl’s arm. “Take it easy. That’s just a possibility.”  _ More than that _ , she thought to herself.

Lulu frowned slightly but nodded her acceptance. The two became quiet, and Jenna took a moment to sit and observe. To feel. 

The golden sun made the October afternoon warm against Jenna’s otherwise cool skin. It glistened off of her daughter’s flaming red hair, left a glint in her blue eyes. Across the expanse of the farm, families laughed and carried their treats and pumpkins. Despite the number of people around, though, it was calm. Jenna felt relaxed, at peace. She continued to look around, watching the people walk by. 

Down the dirt pathway, Jim emerged, hands in his pockets. His step was a shuffle, and Jenna could see him fiddling with the keys in his pocket.

“Did you find it?” she asked him as he approached.

He pointed behind him. “Yeah, just out that way. It’s behind those carnival rides, so we couldn’t see it.”

Jenna looked at Lulu. “Wanna help me pick out a really good one for pie and get us one to carve?”

“Let’s go!” Lulu declared, hopping up from her seat. 

Jim reached for the bag of apples on the hay, then reached out to Jenna, prompting her to hand the other one to him as well. When she gave him a questioning look, he explained, “I’ve got these while you guys look at pumpkins.”

“Thank you,” Jenna accepted, handing him the bag.

She stood up while Lulu began to run ahead. The two adults began to follow, watching her ahead of them. They were silent as they walked next to one another. After a moment, Jim slowed down.

“Is everything okay?” he asked.

Jenna, caught off-guard, looked at him and asked, “Huh?”

“Is everything okay?” he repeated. “You’ve been quiet today.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’m great,” she told him. When his look was questioning, she assured, “I promise, everything is more than fine. It was just a long week.”

“Okay,” he said definitively. Then, stopping in his tracks, he turned to her and said in awe, “God, you are stunning.”

Jenna blushed. “I’m sweaty from picking apples all morning, and my hair’s a mess.”

“Does it matter?” Jim shrugged. “I still feel like the luckiest bastard in the world.”

She stepped closer to him, resting her hands on his chest and playing with the sweater he wore. “I love you,” she told him, all other words failing her as she let his flattery sink in. She linked her arm through his, a substitute for handholding. She didn’t miss the grin on his face as they began to walk

“I love you, too.”

She let him lead the way.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the weekend passed in a too-quick blur. 

Jenna, Lulu, and Jim carved out their jack-o-lantern and placed it in the front window of the house. The three had also cozied up on Saturday night with fresh apple cider and watched  _ Hocus Pocus _ \--a new tradition as of this, the third year Lulu had insisted on it.

Sunday was for baking. Jenna and Lulu made a pumpkin pie; an early dry run for Thanksgiving and for holiday season catering at Joe’s. They also made a batch of apple crumble turnovers. Jim helped himself to two helpings of the pie and one of the turnovers. Between the three of them, they’d demolished half of the pan but still had several of the pastries left. 

Monday morning, Jenna brought the remaining desserts into work. Today, they would fill orders and take storefront pick-ups. 

Becky, Dawn, and Cal finished off the pie--a true sacrifice, if ever Jenna saw one. Joe came in for an hour to check on business, ate a turnover, and ended up stealing a couple to go. From there, they went about their day.

Jenna had been placed on inventory duty and recruited Becky and Dawn to help her place orders to restock their product and menu plan for the rest of the fall season. Later afternoon found the three of them sat down at a table with clipboards and a laptop. Dawn was calculating how much they could save with a push for soups while Becky scrolled through their vendor websites.

Jenna, meanwhile paced the floor, trying to concentrate on concocting recipes containing butternut squash and harvest corn. But she found her mind drifting, and her now consistently full bladder certainly wasn’t helping. 

Neither was the splitting headache she’d had all morning.

“Okay, so if we work on a really good stew and offer a roast, we’ll save a ton on beef this quarter,” Dawn rattled off. “If we order more pumpkin, we can implement that in main courses  _ and _ desserts. Jenna, you still have that pumpkin chili recipe, right?”

“Hmmm?” Jenna asked, looking up at her friends for the first time in almost ten minutes.

“Pumpkin chili,” Dawn repeated. “We’re doing that this year, aren’t we?”

The other woman nodded absently. “Yeah, sure. If y’all want to.”

Dawn set to writing, concentrating on her list. Becky, on the other hand, kept a trained eye on Jenna. She narrowed her eyes and shook her head. “Okay, now, wait,” she began. “You always know  _ exactly _ what you want for our menus. You’re like a hundred miles away today.” Then she crossed her arms, scrutinizing her friend. “What’s going on, Jenna?”

Jenna stopped pacing, frozen on the spot. “What? With me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” At that, even Dawn had stopped what she was doing and chewed on her lip nervously. At Becky’s unconvinced look, Jenna insisted, “I promise, I’m more than fine.” With a huff, she demanded, “Geez, why is everyone asking me if I’m okay? It’s like the third degree.”

Dawn timidly remarked, “Well, you do seem a little off, hun.”

“I have a headache today,” Jenna tried not to snap or sound biting as she spoke. “And I don’t think I’ve been sleeping very well the last little bit. I’ve been up a couple nights sick.”

Becky frowned. “Do you need to go home? Because if you’re sick, you really shouldn’t be around the food.”

Jenna shook her head. “I mean...maybe? I feel fine today. I haven’t been nauseous or anything, and I’ve been washing my hands every time I so much as a pick up a pen.”

“So, you’re  _ not _ sick?” Becky questioned. “Not in the slightest? Because, if you are, you definitely shouldn’t be here.”

“No!” Jenna argued. “Just tired and hurting.”

Becky scrutinized her for a minute, looking her up and down. Finally, she turned around and walked over to her purse that was sat on an otherwise vacant counter. She reached in and pulled out a white pill bottle with a red label.

“Here take two,” she advised, handing Jenna the Tylenol.

Jenna unscrewed the cap and shook out two capsules into her hand before handing the bottle back to her friend. “Thanks,” she muttered, grabbing the water bottle she’d left sitting on the table and downing the pills.

“Now, let’s try to finish this,” Becky took over. “If we get this done, I wonder if Joe will let us all go home early.”

Dawn scoffed. “Doubtful.”

“Worth a shot, though.”

The three women sat down together at the table, gathering around the laptop they’d been using. Jenna, resolved to engage herself in the work again, grabbed a clipboard and a pen and began to writing down recipe ideas.

“So, pumpkin chili?” she asked. “Because I can also work wonders with squash.”

 

* * *

 

The following Friday, Lulu was invited to sleep over at her friend Alexa’s. Jenna picked her up from school and, after confirmation from Alexa’s mother, brought her home to pack an overnight bag and grab her favorite pillow. As Jenna left to drop Lulu off, Jim offered to start dinner and promised to have it cooking when she returned. 

Jenna stayed for a little while to chat with Alexa’s mom about a 40th anniversary party she was thinking of having catered for her parents. By the time, she’d reviewed different options for her and gave her phone numbers to call, it had been a 30-minute visit.

As promised, Jenna came home to the scent of baked chicken and pesto with fresh garlic and herb--probably over zucchini pasta, as they usually prepared it. She could also smell her favorite candles. When she walked into the kitchen, Jim was pulling a bottle of wine from the fridge, and he’d already set the table for two. The oven was running, and spaghetti-spiraled strands of zucchini sat in a strainer over an empty pot.

“What’s the occasion?” Jenna asked, stepping closer and noting the wine glasses already set on the counter waiting to be filled.

She watched Jim rummage through a drawer for a corkscrew before reopening the bottle. With a shrug, he replied, “No occasion. I just thought you might like a romantic dinner for a change.” He reached for a glass and began to pour the red liquid inside. “We don’t really get to do this.”

As he held the glass out to her, she hesitated, though only for a moment, before accepting it. Her fingers cradled it, and she stood there leaning against the counter, making no move to take a sip. If Jim noticed, he didn’t question it.

“We don’t,” she agreed. “But Lulu’s getting invited to more sleepovers, and Becky’s been offering to work weekend events exclusively if I can take charge of weekday luncheons.” 

“Then we’ll have more of these to look forward to.”

Jim held up his glass, prompting her to clink hers against it in a  _ cheers _ . She went with it but still made no move to drink the wine. Instead, she found herself swishing it around her glass, staring down at it. 

That’s when Jim noticed.

“No wine?” he asked. “Did I get the wrong one?”

Jenna shook her head, setting her glass on the counter. “No, it’s...you didn’t get the wrong one. I’m just not really in the mood for it.”

They were both silent, Jenna still staring down at the glass and Jim watching her. An anxious ball of confusion, dread, hope, excitement, and uncertainty all at once settled into the pit of her stomach. She licked her lips nervously and shifted uncomfortably on her feet. 

“Jenna, are you sure everything’s okay?” he questioned, setting his own glass aside. “You’ve been kind of spacey the last little bit.”

“I just don’t feel well,” she tried to dismiss.

He wasn’t buying it, though. “I know you don’t, but are you sure there isn’t something you need to talk about?”

“I swear, I’m fine,” she insisted, turning away from him and leaning against the counter, knuckles turning white as she clenched the edge. 

He pressed a hand to her back, running it gently up and down, massaging along her spine and her shoulder. “Jenna…” he began hesitantly, “I know something’s up. Please talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” she bit back.

He stopped rubbing her back and moved so he could look her in the eye. Then he revealed, “Becky called me today.” Jenna’s mouth fell open at the admission, the sting of betrayal making her want to say something, but preventing the words from forming. When she said nothing, Jim continued, gently, “She wanted to know if you were feeling better because you left work early.”

Jenna sighed. “Of course she would call you.”

“I’m glad she did.” Jim gently turned her and placed his hands on her hips. “It’s clear you’re not okay, and I’m worried about you.”

“Please don’t,” Jenna whispered on a sigh, turning her head and looking down, trying to avoid him. She swallowed, folding her arms over her chest, where her heart began to pound. When did breathing become harder?

Jim removed his hands and took a step back, respecting her space. “Okay,” he murmured. He ran his hands nervously through his hair. He was silent again, pacing a bit. Finally, he asked her, “Did I do something?”

Alert, she glanced back up at him. “What?”

“Did I  _ do _ something?” he repeated, a plea. “Have I overstepped with Lulu? Disrespected your space? Hurt you? Because if I have, I’m so sorry, and I’ll step back.”

Her heart broke at the crack in his voice as he asked the question. How could he ask that? How could he  _ think _ that? Where did he get this idea that was so far from the truth?

“No,” she told him, shaking her head quickly. “No, of  _ course _ not,” her voice was soft as she assured him. 

“Then why have you shut me out?” he asked. “You’re here, you’re trying so hard to be present, but you’re not  _ here _ .”

She shook her head again and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I promise it’s not you. You’ve been nothing but wonderful. Lulu and I love having you here.”

“Then what is it?” he tried again.

And there it was. That pained look of love and concern, the one where Jim’s eyes went dim but  _ still _ seemed to bore into her, staring back at her. She tried to look away but somehow found herself glued to him. There was no more avoiding it anymore. No more vague excuses, no more pretending.

She closed her eyes for a moment, gathering her courage. Images of Lulu flooded her mind; the joy they’d shared despite the obstacles they’d faced over the last eleven years. Images of Lulu and Jim bonding; her daughter laughing and chatting with the father she never had. Images of nights after they put Lulu to bed and it was just the two of them alone, wrapped in one another; sometimes in throws of passion, sometimes in innocent simplicity. Images of being held, loved, safe.

They all drove Jenna to spill the words she’d been holding in, the truth that she’d been holding back from even herself.

“Jim, I’m pregnant.”

She waited for his reaction. Reactively, his mouth fell open, as if to respond. But all he could manage was, “You’re...what?”

“Pregnant,” she repeated. “I’m pregnant. I saw Dr. Collins today, and she ran the tests.”

In that moment, his eye grew wide, and she caught the little gasp he took in. The sparkle returned to his eyes, a mix of wonderment, shock, and uncertainty.

“I thought…” he stammered. “We’ve been careful, we haven’t…” 

She shrugged. There would be time later to explain the risks of switching back to the pill after having an IUD removed. There would be time to theorize and ask  _ what if _ . But right now wasn’t the time. 

“I know,” she muttered, her heart pounding faster still.

Jenna retreated into herself again, hunching slightly and hugging herself. But Jim was reaching for her again, pulling her in. She felt strong arms envelop her, gentle hands rubbing her back. Feeling herself calm, heartbeat and breathing slowly but surely restoring to normal, she melted into him, embracing him back. And they stood there, holding one another, for several minutes. 

It reminded Jenna of the first time she told him that she was pregnant, after she found out Lulu was on the way. It was the same way he held her then. Except this time, she wasn’t sobbing into his chest. She wasn’t wondering why this had to happen to her or how she was going to cope. The fear was certainly present, but it was distinctly different.

And this time, Jim was whispering into her ear, “Are we really having a baby?”

She nodded, pulling back to make eye contact with him. “Do you  _ want _ to have a baby?” she responded with her own question.

Then he was placing a hand on her cheek, his touch soft as he stroked the skin there, moving to run his fingers through her hair. The kiss he placed on her forehead was tender.

“As long as you want to,” he spoke solemnly. At her grimace, he asked, “Do you?”

She shrugged again. “I mean, I guess I always thought I would have another child,” she confided, placing a hand on her belly. “But I thought I would get to decide when. I thought I would have a plan for the next one.”

Jim, still holding her, assured, “Jenna, you know I won’t force you to do  _ anything _ you don’t want to, right?”

She nodded. “I know you won’t.” Then her hands found their way to his chest, resting there. “And the truth is...I’m terrified.” He stood there patiently, listening, not trying to put words into her mouth. It made her more sure of her next words. “But I love you, I see how amazing you are with Lulu, and if you’re sure this is something you’re ready for, then I  _ want _ to do this.”

Jim’s concerned expression softened into a smile as he took her hands in his. “Then I—” he stopped himself short, letting go her hands and patting his pockets. “You know what, hold that thought,” he told her, then dashed out of the kitchen.

Jenna stood motionless, mouth agape as she waited for whatever it was he was doing.

He returned quickly, concealing something small in his hands. Then, approaching her, slowed down and began to explain.

“I was already planning on doing this,” he told her. “I wanted to wait and make it a whole thing and be romantic, but I can’t wait anymore.”

There was a long pause as he looked down, taking a deep breath.

“I cannot believe I’m doing this,” he confessed. “I’ve done this before, and it failed, and if someone had told me years ago that I would want to try again, and I would get to do all of this with you...I would have told them to go to hell. They were lying to me.” 

“Jim, what are you…?” she began to ask, but then she saw him drop onto one knee, and her heart sped up again in triple time.

“I love you so much,” he told her, holding out a black velvet box. “I have for  _ way _ longer than I wanted to admit, you know that. You’re my best friend, and this past year with you and Lulu has been the best I’ve had in a very long time. I want that for the rest of our lives. And even though it’s unexpected, I’m  _ thrilled _ that we get to add to this family.”

He opened up the box in his hand then, revealing diamond-encrusted white gold. The ring nestled inside wasn’t huge—which she imagined he did on purpose because he knew she wasn’t one for gaudy jewelry—but the square diamond on top was just enough, surrounding by smaller diamonds, the band of the ring designed in a twist, more tiny diamonds lined up with each curve. 

Jenna almost forgot what was happening, lost herself momentarily, until Jim’s voice continued, and he uttered the question, “Jenna, will you marry me?”

At the question, all of her emotions rose to the surface. She felt frozen in place, unable to articulate speech. 

Jim wasn’t the first man to propose to her.

He was, however, the first to ask and sincerely mean it. The only one who’d made up his mind about making a lifelong commitment  _ before _ finding out about an unforeseen pregnancy.

The only one who loved her, and who she loved back.

The one she could see herself growing with, changing with for the better. Making a life of their own that carried on once Lulu and this new baby were grown and long out of the nest. 

And this time when she uttered her answer, a swell of joy rose in her chest, catching her somewhere between the need to laugh and the need to cry. (Or maybe it was just the hormones.) There was no room for doubt anymore.

“Yes,” she whispered, a smile creeping up on her face.

Face brightening, widening, he asked excitedly, “Yes?”

“ _ Yes _ .”

Jim lifted himself and he flew to her, both shaking and laughing nervously. They kissed softly but passionately before he pulled the ring from the box to hold it out to her. Trying to still herself, she held out her hand to him and allowed him to slip the ring on her finger. 

They were embracing again after that, then another kiss. Jenna, relaxing now, held fast to Jim and let him rest his forehead against hers.

“Oh, my god, are we really doing this?” she breathed.

She didn’t miss the crack in Jim’s voice when he responded, “We are. All of it.”

“Who the hell would have thought…” she remarked.

Jim grinned, pulling back to look her in the eye. “Seventh grade me is staring into his future and bowing down.”

Jenna laughed again. “Seventh grade you was a shaggy-haired damn fool.”

“So is 33-year-old me,” he shrugged. “But somehow you still said yes.

Jenna finally took a moment to admire the ring as it rested on her finger. He had definitely put thought into it and didn’t sacrifice on quality. But he hadn’t gone over the top, either. The design was gorgeous but simple.

It was very  _ her. _

“That I did,” she agreed. Then she kissed him, just a peck, and said, “You did very well, by the way. I love my ring.”

“Good,” he noted. Then, sheepishly looking down, admitted, “I was afraid of disappointing you.”

She shook her head. “I know what disappointment feels like. You could never do that.”

With a  _ god I love you _ , he kissed her again. This time, he lifted her in a little spin before setting her down. They steadied themselves before falling into silence.

For a moment, Jenna watched as Jim began to stare across the room. She was about to ask him what was wrong, find out why he was zoning out. However, he answered her question without having to be probed.

“Holy shit,” he muttered.

She frowned. “What?”

“We’re having a baby,” he breathed. “I’m going to be a  _ father _ . You’re going to be a mom again.” His gaze shot back to her again, eyes wide, almost in panic. “Jenna, we made another person. You’re growing another person.”

“Yes…that’s how it works,” she said, nodding slowly. Had he just not gotten over the shock yet?

“We have a guest bedroom, right?” he asked, even though he knew the answer. At her nod, ignoring the way she was staring strangely at him, he began to pace and ramble on, “We’ll have to turn that into a nursery probably. But only if you want to. I can work on clearing things out and buy some paint. Are we planning on finding out the gender, or are we keeping it a surprise? Do we even care?”

He began to rattle off about employment plans, how they were going to tell everyone, how they were going to work birthdays out since the baby’s would probably only be about a month before Lulu’s. Then of course there was the wedding to think about, and should they get married now or wait until after the baby was born, and—

“Jim, sweetie,” Jenna placed her hands on his shoulders and held him in place. She had to stop him. “We have months to figure this all out. There’s a lot going on, but let’s calm down and take it one step at a time.”

He gave her an almost scandalized look. “I can’t believe you’re the rational one here.”

“I can’t either,” she agreed. “But I’ve done the baby thing before, so I’m at least a little confident in that department.”

“You’ll teach me?” he asked. “Because I know jack all about what I’m doing, and I refuse to leave you to do all the heavy lifting.”

She nodded, pressing another quick peck to his lips. “We’ll work on it,” she promised. “Just remember, it’s exactly like handling Lulu. Only the kid needs you at every waking minute, and they’re not on the verge of becoming a sassy, hormonal teenager yet.”

“Yet,” Jim pointed out. They both exchanged a mutual look that said  _ yikes _ . Then, always thinking positively, he remarked, “But it’ll all be worth it. Lulu is already the most incredible little girl, and I can’t wait to see how incredible this one turns out.”

He pressed his hand to her belly, caressing the area even though there was nothing to be felt yet. Jenna felt a pleasant warmth flood her body, an affection that, years ago, she never could have imagined feeling ever.

“Our baby appreciates the vote of confidence,” she laughed.

Then she watched Jim’s face change again, eyes glistening and lips trembling as if he could cry. “Our baby,” he repeated on a shaky breath.

No tears formed, however. Although they sure as hell threaten to fall from Jenna’s eyes. She fought the sting and found herself tugging Jim closer, inviting him into her embrace.

As she rested in his arms, she couldn’t help but think about how very little in her life had been intentional. But it had all, in some way, led her to pure, unadulterated joy when the rest of the world hurt too much.

She also couldn’t help but imagine the look on Lulu’s face when they told her.

And that, in her book, was real happiness.


End file.
